Saying No

Do’s and Don’ts of Saying “NO”

• Don’t be afraid to say “no” to your child.
• ALL children need discipline

• There are 3 types of “no”
• Regular – the answer is wrong “no”
• Very Loud – this “no” is very LOUD and is designed to be very unpleasant.  This is typically used for something extremely unacceptable (hitting, hurting, running away)
• Assertive – This “no is to let your child know that their behavior is not acceptable to stop immediately. (“no throwing rocks”)

• Do be specific with your “no”
• Your child will not know what to stop doing unless you tell them.
• Do give them an alternative (“Stop jumping on the bed, let’s go outside and play.”)
• Do give them consequences… and follow through… every time! – Children know an empty threat when they hear it.

• Don’t send mixed messages
• Use your tone of voice and facial expression to ensure that:
• Your positives must be unmistakably positive
• Your negatives must be unmistakably negative (no laughing at their bad behavior)

• Do be consistent
• As with all discipline, consistency is key.
• Your child must know that you mean what you say.

• Don’t bribe your child to get good behavior
• Good behavior should be the standard, not the exception

• Do remember your roles.
• You are the parent.
• He/She is the child.

Time Out

Even kids with special needs need discipline!!

Time Out Method

Step 1: Make House Rules

• Identify acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in your house.  Make a list of the rules and post it on your refrigerator or other common area.  Go over each rule with your child.  
• Explain what will happen if he breaks a rule. (“If you hit me, you will go to time out.”) Then show him the designated spot to go to when he is in time out.
• Do not make your time-out spot in a place where he eats, plays, or sleeps.

Step 2: When Your Child Breaks A Rule

• Get down to his eye level and make eye contact.
• Tell him what he did and that it was unacceptable in a firm but not loud voice.
• Warn him that if he does it again he will go to the time-out chair/spot.

Step 3: When Your Child Ignores Your Warning

• Get down to his eye level and make eye contact.
• Tell him what he did and that it was unacceptable in a firm but not loud voice.
• Take him directly to the time-out spot and sit him down.
• It is helpful to use a kitchen timer that beeps during this step.  Tell him that he can get up when he hears the beep.
• The length of time-out is 1 minute per age (3 years = 3 minutes).
• When the time out is over have him apologize to the people involved in his behavior.

Step 4: When Your Child Gets Up

• Take him back to the time out spot and sit him down every time and restart the timer.
• He has to know that he will be taken back no matter what.

Helpful Hints:

• Children need “time-in” just as much as “time-out”.  “Time-in” is a time of interactive play and attention that lets your child know that you care and you love them.  Because many children use misbehavior as a way to get attention, the more “time-in” you have, the less “time-out” you’ll have to use.  
• Be CONSISTENT. “No” means “no”.